With the Coachella lineup having recently dropped, we can only assume you’re doing all you can to raise money for tickets and flights to the famous Californian festival, right? Well, whatever you do, just make sure you don’t go online to look for easy ways in, or else you might end up running into one of the creepiest online ads you’ve ever seen.
Recently, an “electronic music producer” took to American online classifieds site Craigslist to seek some friends to accompany him to Coachella. The catch? You must be one of “two beautiful women”, and ready to submit to a rather weird list of demands.
As the DJ explains, “through a high level industry friend” he has managed to score some artist passes for the festival, and he hopes to attend in the hopes of raising his profile in the world of music. “I don’t know how else to say this,” he explains. “But I’m socially awkward and think that having two gorgeous women with me to help break the ice with some of these people will make it easier for me.”
Soon though, he starts off by listing his demands, which understandably requests that you have a love for electronic music, and also asks that you, “Don’t apply if you like Diplo. In fact if you see Diplo, I’d ask that you treat him like a tool.”
From there, it only gets weirder, requesting that the two prospective females be aged between “21-24”, and that they send him a recent photo so that he judge the applicants’ physical appearance. “I am not interested in any romantic encounters with you, I promise,” he assures.
“I’m not some creepy dude that’s going to lurch on you, in fact you and your friend can share a room in the hotel I book mine at. I will have my two best male friends make a decision on who the best candidates are. I trust their judgment because of the amount of deep V-necks they possess, and they live in Santa Monica.”
The DJ also makes note of the fact that his friends will have to attend all the performances that he wants to see, meaning that if he’s not keen on checking out Vance Joy’s set like they want to, that’s just bad luck.
To top it all off though, in addition to telling his prospective partners that any afterparty they’re invited to must also extend an invite to him, he makes it clear that “I smoke a lot of weed, you need to be OK with that.” Ironically, despite being a marijuana-friendly state now, Coachella organisers have recently made i clear that cannabis will not be allowed on festival grounds. Tough break, dude.
Honestly, we’d love to believe that this is just a rather well-constructed parody, similar to one that surfaced a few years back, but the fact does remain that people like this exist and actually use classifieds sites in this manner. Whatever the case, we just hope that prospective Coachella attendees are smart enough to avoid this bloke at all costs.
Check out the full Coachella classified below:
Hello,
I’m a electronic music producer and have been working on making connections in the industry as I get set to release my first music. I hate to sound like a douchebag but my brand of music is going to change mainstream electronic music forever. The Coachella 2018 lineup just dropped and if you thought you’d never be able to do it all access, this is the offer for you!
Through a high level industry friend, I’ve obtained access to artist passes for Coachella and am looking for two beautiful women to accompany me to the festival. While I will be there to take in a lot of the shows, I’m also going to be there to network with people in the industry. I don’t know how else to say this, but I’m socially awkward and think that having two gorgeous women with me to help break the ice with some of these people will make it easier for me.
Some rules:
1) You must have some interest and knowledge of the electronic music space. Don’t apply if you like Diplo. In fact if you see Diplo, I’d ask that you treat him like a tool.
2) Be between the age of 21-24.
3) Please send photos of you and your friend to this e-mail address. I am not interested in any romantic encounters with you, I promise. I’m not some creepy dude that’s going to lurch on you, in fact you and your friend can share a room in the hotel I book mine at. I will have my two best male friends make a decision on who the best candidates are. I trust their judgment because of the amount of deep V-necks they possess, and they live in Santa Monica. Photos must be recent.
4) You must be willing to accompany me for the duration of the festival. At some points, there might be some bummers where you don’t get to see acts that you were really excited about. I will try my best to at least let you see your favorites. I myself will be watching a lot of the acts on the festival. These are who I am most excited for: Beyonce, ODESZA, Miguel, Illenium, Jamie Jones, Alison Wonderland, REZZ, Deorro, Soulwax, Jean-Michel Jarre, Alan Walker, Maceo Plex, and X Japan.
5) I will send you one of the demos of a song I’m releasing this year. I want you to give me your thoughts in a one-paragraph review of the track. Even if somehow you think it sucks (I promise it won’t), I want you to be able to talk about my music when we’re around industry people. It probably will sound better coming from two beautiful women than from one socially awkward dude.
6) If you get invited to any afterparties, you must insist to those offering the invites that I come with you.
7) I smoke a lot of weed, you need to be OK with that.
Look forward to hearing from you!
