Despite being a prominent Australian newspaper (like it or not, people), The Daily Telegraph apparently only recently became aware that people do drugs at music festivals. To be fair, it is the Daily Telegraph, so it’s not a huge surprise when they’re not clued in on something.

Regardless, they would really like to let you know that they didn’t buy any drugs at Listen Out. Nope, not a single one. They didn’t inject any marijuanas and they didn’t pop any ‘eccies’. To quote the Tele: “The Sunday Telegraph did not purchase any drugs.”

This incredible sentence can actually be seen, in bold, at the bottom of the Telegraph‘s recent report on Listen Out Sydney. The Tele apparently sent one of their roving reporters down to suss out this whole music festival thing, and he was *gasp* offered drugs.

“We hadn’t even made it to the front gates when the call of ‘caps caps’ was whispered into my ear,” the reporter recounts. “It was a fellow Listen Out festival-goer plying his trade right under the nose of the heavy police and sniffer dog presence.”

But as the Daily Telegraph want to make very, very clear, they did not actually purchase any of the industrious drug peddler’s MDMA capsules, which he was reportedly flogging for “$30 a pop, or $25 for those buying in bulk”.

“More than 25 police officers and two sniffer dogs were waiting,” the reporter continues. “In the 40 minutes we watched the dogs at work 15 people were hauled off by police to be searched after the dogs indicated they might be carrying drugs.”

Just to be clear

Though of course we all know that sniffer dogs are wrong more often than they’re right and you’d have a better chance of finding drugs on a music festival punter by picking them out at random.

“Once inside,” the Tele goes on, “it was evident many people had managed to take a substance before ­entering or smuggle it in, as some could barely stand and were under the influence.” Maybe they were just overcome by the power of the music?

“The portable toilet cubicles were littered with remnants of illicit substances, including empty resealable bags and plastic balloons.” If you’re having trouble picturing that, the Tele helpfully shared a few photos of the floors of the Listen Out Sydney toilets – journalism!

But having said all that, the number one takeaway the Tele have for you is that they did not purchase any drugs. Oh sure, they were offered some, and the toilet floors were littered with plastic baggies, but none of them were the property of the Daily Telegraph.

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