Australian rapper Illy is currently on tour around the nation in anticipation of the release of his ‘back-to-basics’ album, Bring It Back, and played Perth’s The Capital on Saturday night.

Following some love on his social media for the gig (“PERTH = CRAY”), the MC recounted an interesting story to fans on his Facebook page involving a backstage kleptomaniac and a cavity search.

“After the best show we’ve ever done in Perth,” begins Illy’s tale, “I go backstage and go to get my wallet out of my backpack, and there is nothing there except my Velocity card. the wallet is gone. I start skitzing it, and slowly other people start realising their shit is missing too.”

The rapper goes on to explain that: “there is this fucking chick sitting on one of the couches who – eventually it turns out – no one knows. I go back to being shitty and looking for my wallet, then hear everyone going off at this girl – they’ve had her empty her handbag, and ALL OF OUR SHIT WAS IN THERE!!!”

The backstage intruder also managed to thieve a jacket from support act The Stoops and “a KC Wonder snapback that had been given to me” complains Illy. Security and Police were swiftly alerted to the robber and, as the hip-hop star continues, “there was still shit missing, she ended up having a female police officer give her a cavity search. HECTIC.”

Hectic indeed. Despite the invasive search, Illy still lost out on regaining a stolen set of car keys and without a spare, cost the rapper “a few hundred bucks to get a new one made from scratch.”

The moral of the story, according to the outspoken, curse-savvy rapper? “Don’t fucking steal shit. Don’t be a piece of shit. If you don’t want to get a cavity search, don’t steal our shit at gigs;” before warning to potential perpetrators: “We will hunt you down… and you will get a cavity search. Not worth it.”

Commentators on Illy’s backstage tale mostly criticised the stupidity of the female crook, with one fan writing, “you’ve now reached stalker level popular. Congrats [Illy]!”, while another cheekily lamented, “can’t even trust groupies these days…”

The Aussie MC wasn’t the only music star that was made a victim of stealing over the weekend, forthcoming Meredith Music Festival act and Pussy Riot supporter had her gear stolen at show in England.

Pitchfork reports that the electropop futurist, real name Clare Boucher, played the HMV Ritz in Manchester last Friday and took to Twitter to plea to her followers:

Boucher’s instruments – including a Roland-branded sythesizer, sampler, a ‘Line6 M9 stompbox’ and a bunch of cables’ – were all pinched during the load out from the venue.

Can’t imagine much of that equipment being recovered in a cavity search.

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