We’d like to know a little bit about you for our files, however we don’t like regurgitating press releases or asking the easy questions. No-one gets out of the Tone Deaf Inquisition lightly, so just hold still, grit your teeth, clench your buttocks and be still while we put on the rubber gloves, apply the thumbscrews, and pull out our thermometer while you open up and say ahhhhhhhhhhh… Truthful answers only or we drink your rider while you’re on stage.

Everyone joins or forms a band to get laid. If your band represents your sex life are you Casanova or spending plenty of time doing the five knuckle shuffle?

If you’re gonna tread analogies between rock ‘n roll and sex, think of something better than that and ask me again. You might want to take some cues Steven Tyler in Decline Of Western Civilization Pt. 2

We don’t want to know about the painfully hip bands your press release says you’re influenced by. Take us back to your bedroom when you were 14. What band posters did you have on the wall?

Television, Sonic Youth, Suicide, Os Mutantes, Birthday Party, Wire. I think I had an MGMT poster too. Which painfully hip bands did I reference in my press release?

What’s been your worst gig and why are you glad there’s no footage of it on Youtube … yet?

Over 10 years of playing as a full-time musician I’ve been consistently amazing so I couldn’t tell you, however Ding Dong on the 12th may be your lucky day. Have your camera-phone at the ready

Tomorrow’s payday, so we’ve only got $20 to get you drunk. Where do we go and what do we buy with it?

I’m not going anywhere with you if you’ve only got $20 in your pocket

We’ve been looking in the $2 bin at Dixons Recycled and also bidding on eBay – what releases are we looking for there that your band has put out?

Thee Psychotic Pineapples haven’t put out any records yet. And with a $20 pay packet you probably couldn’t afford any of my other groups’ records

Suppose we put a gun to your head and force you to kiss a member of another Australian band. Who, which band and why?

You won’t need to put a gun to my head to force me to kiss Kat from The Spazzys. Girls play in bands too

You’re playing at Ding Dong’s 7th Birthday Extravaganza. Everyone’s had a pretty wild night out at Ding Dong over the last 7 years. What was one of your memorable nights – and what can you tell us about it that we can print?

Another group of mine, The Pictures, headlined Ding Dong’s first ever show – that’s memorable enough for me, if only for it being completely unmemorable for everybody else.

Ding Dong’s 7th Birthday Extravaganza is on June 12th at Ding Dong Lounge, Melbourne. Find out more here, and buy tickets