We’d like to know a little bit about you for our files, but we don’t like regurgitating press releases or asking the easy questions. At Tone Deaf we only ask the tough questions, so just hold still, grit your teeth, clench your buttocks and be still while we put on the rubber gloves, apply the thumbscrews, and pull out our thermometer while you open up and say ahhhhhhhhhhh… Truthful answers only or we drink your rider while you’re on stage.

Who gets the most ‘off stage action’ in the band?  What’s the secret to their success?

Recently it has to be our singer/guitarist Stuart. I (Chris – bass player) can’t tell you how many times I have seemed to be getting somewhere with a girl after the show when I hear the questions, “So… uhhh… what’s the singers name?… can you introduce me?”

It’s at this point where I proceed to explain .. “Stuart is in a long-term relationship where he constantly screams at his girlfriend because he is a violent alcoholic… but me… I’m right for you… I know how to respect a woman”…….. (And so on)

Have you ever been arrested? Where were you, and what was it for?

No one in the band has been pinched…. Yet. I’ve been searched by police heaps of times, one guy actually thought he found something, but it turned out to be a half empty bag of sour worms, 2 pieces of gum, and a movie stub.

What’s been the worst day job you’ve ever had?

I used to work for a rent-a-car company at the airport. Everyone is an asshole when they have just come off a 22-hour flight.

Sex, drugs and groupies – In what order do you prefer them and how often?

You need drugs if your going to sit and listen to a groupie explain her musical tastes and preferences to you, and you need sex if such a girl is to be classified as a groupie, as a girl can’t be a groupie without the sex cause that just leaves you with a girl who won’t stop talking about how she ‘totally’ thinks your band is ‘so awesome’ while secretly she has a splitting headache from Iggy and the Stooges being played on repeat in the band room… no thanks!

I’ve confused myself what was the question again?

Take us back to the first gig you went to. Where was it and what was the venue?

Wow, uuuhhhhhh, would have to be Grinspoon at the Wodonga Leisure Centre. I remember not giving a shit about the bands and concentrating solely on the Jim beam in my jacket pocket and those blonde twins across the room staring at me… oh wait…. that was just one girl.

What’s your favourite site to download music from and do you ever pay for it? Can we find any of your releases there?

I just got this program on my computer from my Swedish ex-girlfriend called “Spotify” that lets you stream ANY album from pretty much ANY band signed to ANY Major label…. For FREE! Best thing is the artist gets paid.

Other than that iTunes is good cause you get to download the tunes instantly and “future-you” get’s to worry about fronting the bill. Ha, I would hate to be that poor bastard.

What’s the furthest you’d go to win over a new fan?

It was August the 18th, Dirt Farmer was just finishing up a show in Collingwood where we played to two people, one of whom was extremely good looking, the other rather disadvantaged compared to her beautiful friend….

Actually sorry, I’m not ready to talk about it…. I thought I was…. But I’m not.

Right, here’s the plug section –  tell us about upcoming gigs/tours and releases.

We are playing on the 18th of December at the Workers Club in Fitzroy. You can check out MySpace for other upcoming gigs/tours/shitty demos made on an M-Box Mini, and listen to our latest release on triple j unearthed

We also have our yet to be named debut E.P. coming out in late January, so stay tuned.

www.dirtfarmerband.com