We’d like to know a little bit about you for our files, but we don’t like regurgitating press releases or asking the easy questions. At Tone Deaf we only ask the tough questions, so just hold still, grit your teeth, clench your buttocks and be still while we put on the rubber gloves, apply the thumbscrews, and pull out our thermometer while you open up and say ahhhhhhhhhhh… Truthful answers only or we drink your rider while you’re on stage.

Who gets the most ‘off stage action’ in the band?  What’s the secret to their success?

I can only assume that you’re talking about our various gambling habits, and as far as true junkies go that would be me (Mark, guitar/vox).  If we tour in any city with a casino you will find me at the craps table.  The true secret to my success lies in my insistence on always bringing a band member along with me for good luck.  They don’t want to be there, mind you, but since I usually purchase and procure copious amounts of alcohol for me and whoever is beside me, they usually neck it long enough for me to hit the 7s and 11s.  Eventually they get so bored of watching and waiting that they will pull me away, bleary-eyed but full of adrenaline, which just so happens to coincide with me walking away with winnings.

And then they can get back to the business of chasing tail, and if you’re asking about that sort of thing you’d need to talk to Matt, our alluring drummer.  It must be his pheromones.

Have you ever been arrested? Where were you, and what was it for?

Oh yeah.  Three times on two different continents, and that’s just counting the times I’ve been arrested for the right reasons.  There’s been a few times where I’ve been put in the back of a police car, only to be released because they really did get the wrong guy or I wasn’t actually doing anything wrong.  Why?  C’mon now: you take a bunch of guys, pay them in beer, then give one of them a set of keys.  Follow that thread and you’ll be yelling BINGO in no time.

What’s been the worst day job you’ve ever had?

Well, it wasn’t a day job, but I did work third shift at a thermal paper plant for RICOH.  I was going to school full-time as well, so I was pretty much a zombie and all hopped up on whatever over the counter speed you could buy back before they figured out that people were turning it into meth.  Not only did the job completely suck, but I got fired in less than a month for always being late, even if it was only a few minutes or seconds.  I know some of the people there were lucky and glad to have that job, but I’d be in the break room studying Opera for an exam, and the funny looks from toothless faces got to be a bit much.

Sex, drugs and groupies – In what order do you prefer them and how often?

What are you talking about?!?!?!?! We’re a garage band going broke!!! We’ve only HEARD about that sort of thing.  We’re grateful for the odd cup of tea and a few Panadol.  Even Berocca is a luxury we can rarely afford.

Take us back to the first gig you went to. Where was it and what was the venue?

I was lucky enough to see Guided By Voices in Atlanta at a venue called the Cotton Club.  It was a rare venue coz it let you in if you were 18, even though America insists on a drinking age of 21.  So there I was, all by myself (no one wanted to come with), and I felt absolutely free from everything and everyone that had constituted my life up to that point.  My first steps, if you will.  It was weird, coz I spent most of the night staring at the guitarist, hoping he’d notice me or give me a nod.  He didn’t.

What’s your favourite site to download music from and do you ever pay for it? Can we find any of your releases there?

Honestly, I’m just too lazy to download copious amounts of music, and if I do it’s legally through iTunes.  Lame, I know.  And yes, you can find our stuff there.  I prefer to make my acquisitions slowly, one by one, and in the flesh.

What’s the furthest you’d go to win over a new fan?

Get naked and run around on stage.  But I do that anyway so I’m not sure that counts.

Right, here’s the plug section –  tell us about upcoming gigs/tours and releases.

We’ve just released our single “Ghosts”, which is a spicy number that lasts all of 1:37, and is from our debut LP Raise Your Glass & Collapse.  We are proud parents of this bloody racket, so much so that we are hitting the road to splatter our feral sound across the motherland.  We’ve got a 2am drunk slot at Pony in Melbourne, as well as a residency on Saturdays in February at the Oxford Arts Factory in Sydney.   We’re also playing a hometown show in Port Macquarie, for kicks and nostalgia.  Dates are below, and we’ll be taking our rider on stage with us, thank you very much!  We’ve heard about your fast hands and creeping paws….

Friday, Feb. 11 — PONY (Melbourne)

Saturday, Feb. 12 – OAF Gallery Bar Residency (Sydney)

Saturday, Feb. 19 – OAF Gallery Bar Residency

Wednesday, Feb. 23 – YADA YADA (Port Macquarie) ALL AGES

Saturday, Feb. 26 – OAF Gallery Bar Residency