We’d like to know a little bit about you for our files, however we don’t like regurgitating press releases or asking the easy questions. No-one gets out of the Tone Deaf Inquisition lightly, so just hold still, grit your teeth, clench your buttocks and be still while we put on the rubber gloves, apply the thumbscrews, and pull out our thermometer while you open up and say ahhhhhhhhhhh… Truthful answers only or we drink your rider while you’re on stage.

Everyone joins or forms a band to get laid. If your band represents your sex life are you Casanova or spending plenty of time doing the five knuckle shuffle?

We are your parents. We neatly place our slippers under the bed, dressing gown on the door knob, and we make sure all lights are off before we engage you in 2.5 minutes of faintly satisfying missionary-position sex. Our hunger is in our music, not our extremely adequate yet underused penises.

We don’t want to know about the painfully hip bands your press release says you’re influenced by. Take us back to your bedroom when you were 14. What band posters did you have on the wall?

This is a hard question. Because we are a band of Misfits. Five people with different tastes, who really have no place playing in a band together. Will says Slipknot. Ash says Korn. Gareth says The Beatles, because he was 14 in 1964. Ryan says Neil Young. Luke says New Kids on The Block.

What’s been your worst gig and why are you glad there’s no footage of it on Youtube … yet?

Our worst gig was probably our first gig back in Melbourne after the previous trip where we had won National Campus Bands. Our now manager came to check us out. We’d been boozing at the venue since after lunch. We sucked. Luckily we can blame it on the people who aren’t in the band anymore. We’re glad there is no footage of it on youtube, because perhaps filmmaker Mat De Koning, who has filmed almost every gig we’ve ever played, took pity on us.

Tomorrow’s payday, so we’ve only got $20 to get you drunk. Where do we go and what do we buy with it?

We go to The Queens or The Brisbane, are unable to purchase a single beer with $20 and go home thirsty bemoaning the lack of good small bars in Perth and the ridiculously high cost of living. The $20 covers our parking and we lose at one of those Skill-Tester games.

We’ve been looking in the $2 bin at Dixons Recycled and also bidding on eBay – what releases are we looking for there that your band has put out?

The Five Beds for Bitsy EP released in November 2008, it’s the best EP you can buy for $2. The Will Stoker and The Embers self-titled album, released in April 2010. Available now for legitimate purchase or illegal download. If you buy our stuff, we promise to spend it on overpriced beer in a trendy bar.

Suppose we put a gun to your head and force you to kiss a member of another Australian band. Who, which band and why?

Andrew Ryan from Felicity Groom and The Black Black Smoke, because most people in Perth have to kiss his arse for gigs, so at least we get to kiss something familiar. Or Luke Steele, from ANYTHING INVOLVING LUKE STEELE. If you had a REALLY BIG GUN to our head, like a .44 Magnum or something really scary that would make our funeral a closed casket affair, and we absolutely had to kiss a woman, it would probably be Sarah Blasko, because she’s a nerdy girl with self-esteem issues who could do with a confidence boost.

Will Stoker & The Embers haul their album launch wagon all the way from Perth to headline The Tote in Melbourne this Friday 30th July – get down and also pick up a copy of their self titled album which is out now on Shock Records.